the nomness

I cannot beLIEVE I’ve yet to post about Dylan Moran. I teased it THREE AND ONE HALF GODDAMN MONTHS ago, and this is shameful. For this, I am asham-ed (that’s right, Shakespearean pronunciation, WHAT). And should be punish-ed. By Irish-es. My last post was so old, I was still living in Texas. My last post was so short & boring it put your elementary school librarian to sleep and you checked out more than 3 books. My last post was so rude it was, like, REALLY RUDE. So, yes, I owe a proper Dylan Moran post because I’m still living and breathing him (in the autoerotic sense rather than the physical real life world). I might also owe a proper post on Pringles because DAMN they tasty. I owe a post on the fact that I’M NO LONGER IN TEXAS and I definitely owe a post on the glories of the aural sense because fucking christ it’s amazing, but no. Not today. For today’s post is about a REAL LIFE CRUSH ON A REAL MAN WHO EXISTS FOR REAL. REALLY.

So this is a challenge because I can’t post any pics nor give any actual kind of information, but Effbit FULLY SUPPORTS this cause. Mr. Effbit FULLY SUPPORTS this cause (and I’m hoping it’s not just because he talks funny like them). Young Effbit the Lanky and Peanut FULLY SUPPORT this cause even though neither of them really knows what they’re supporting, and one can barely support his own damn self (i.e., CHEAP DATE). Now, obviously they support the cause because a) it’s been a non-fucking MINUTE and b) i’m running out of British programming over which to obsess and said obsessions detract from any possible fucking minutes and I’d rather prefer my plan to cover unlimited minutes and OHMYGOD HE LIKES MY FB STATUS. See, this is what I’m relegated to. Fuck. This. Life. That. Is. Mine.

Make no mistake, there has been no real communication. I mean, there has to an extent. He knows I exist, so point to me. We have mutual friends (point me). I’ve been to his house (point me, but it was a group poker night thingy and I was drinking for the first time in a little bit and it was raining and at this point I’m hoping I did one of those sexy rain unleashings when the hot chick arrives at said fella’s house and he’s all BAM but I’m sure it was more like a lot of dripping on his kitchen floor and a light spray when I had to shake my hair dry) (i.e. NOT HOT). So…yeah. That should bring you up to date.

And then he showed up at work today, completely unannounced and on his own. A brief note about work. I used to do a thing in Texas. I’m now doing a somewhat similar thing back home, but it’s not my own thing and it’s only for the summer so it’s PERFECT. And Fella walks in (***effbit, I need a name because certain casual male pronouns will obviously not work), sits out back and does his thing, says hey as he goes back and forth (I’m not saying where we were but he may have returned with another beer) (just sayin’…I have a very specific skill set) (TWSS). So all I’m doing is texting Effbit and angling myself so I can still work but maybe occasionally catch a look at legs in shorts, and I’m sure at this point I’m creeping out all flavors of Effbit but whatever – I’m a fan of Peanut and yet I’m aware of certain biological facts regarding a most unholy union, so yeah payback’s a bitch. Then Effbit shows up with Lanky & Peanut in tow. Lanky & I have a very detailed conversation regarding tomorrow’s epic game of Star Wars Monopoly, and Peanut gets the prime view of Fella. Now, I was honestly invested in the Lanky convo so I will have to assume Peanut was making my case for me. Hmm…we shall see. Perhaps it shall all hinge on SW Monopoly. As it is now I should rest up for the battle because I’m finally on the tail end of a two week spell working two jobs. One hopes men are impressed by multi-dork-tasking.